A few posts ago I mentioned that this post would come - here it is!
Wait until....This is probably my least favorite phrase ever. Either that or "YOLO". But we're going to stick with "Wait until..." for this blog post and how it relates to motherhood.
This horrible phrase can be heard even before you have kids.
"Date night every day of the week? Wait until you have kids!!"
"Sleeping in on Saturdays? HA! Wait until you have kids....."
Why do we (because I've been guilty of this before, too) say this? Having kids is a wonderful wonderful things! (True, they are noisy, can completely destroy your house, and put a damper on whatever social life you had beforehand, but nothing else can fill your heart with love like those little boogers can. True?! True.)
Don't rain on someone else's life! It's annoying. And rude. And why would you even think about expecting someone to not enjoy the wonderful spot in life that they are in? Not cool.
BUT this phrase probably happens even more once you already have kids.
- Caveat- I have said this phrase to people more than once, but have tried in earnest to completely cut it out of my life, especially after having baby #2.
After having Miriam, I have reflected back on when I only had Evette, and how different things were. It was crazy. Most days nowadays, I'm showered, and dressed, and both girls dressed and out the door by 9am. BUT I can remember the first few months when Evette was born and I celebrated the few days where I showered AND did the dishes by 5pm. Seriously. I look back and wonder how life was even like that, but I remember so vividly just crying and wishing for a shower, just wishing I could figure out life as a mom.
During those early mom days I posted a status on facebook about the joy of taking a shower and fixing dinner in the same day, or something to that affect. I got a call the next day from a friend, not a close friend or family, but a woman I truly admire and respect who told me that I was doing a great job, and that a shower and getting dinner taken care of WAS a big deal and that she was proud of me for how well I was doing, and to never be embarrassed or ashamed of what I can or cannot fit into the day, because being a mom is dang hard. You guys, this lady has 5 kids and is like a super mom. Guess what she didn't say - "Just wait until you have 5 kids, heck, just 2 kids! You better get this mothering thing figured out or you'll never survive!" No, she did not. She responded with kindness and love and understanding.
Those early mothering days were so hard and long. It took me by surprise. It flipped my world upside down. I had to learn to not be selfish, to be a little nicer to myself, to relax, to love, to run on a small amount of sleep. It was so difficult - a hard hurdle to jump over. Now, being where I am in my stage of life, I have jumped that hurdle, and am working on other ones. But, I will NOT forget how difficult the previous hurdles were for me.
So, I will not tell other women who are not as far along on the mothering road as I to "wait until" another hurdle comes at them. Because each hurdle when it comes at you is hard, very hard. Belittling someone else's troubles or hard times does not make you appear stronger, more knowledgeable, or whatever. It's just rude.
So no more "Wait until they start walking! Then you'll be in real trouble!" "Wait until you have a second/third/fifteenth!" "Wait until they're in middle school!" "Wait until they're driving!". So no more of that.
Let's do more "I remember that, it's hard! But it looks like you're doing great." "That was tricky for me too, why don't I bring you dinner/watch your kid/just listen to you cry?" "That's hard - but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself! You're a great mom"
Wait until....This is probably my least favorite phrase ever. Either that or "YOLO". But we're going to stick with "Wait until..." for this blog post and how it relates to motherhood.
This horrible phrase can be heard even before you have kids.
"Date night every day of the week? Wait until you have kids!!"
"Sleeping in on Saturdays? HA! Wait until you have kids....."
Why do we (because I've been guilty of this before, too) say this? Having kids is a wonderful wonderful things! (True, they are noisy, can completely destroy your house, and put a damper on whatever social life you had beforehand, but nothing else can fill your heart with love like those little boogers can. True?! True.)
Don't rain on someone else's life! It's annoying. And rude. And why would you even think about expecting someone to not enjoy the wonderful spot in life that they are in? Not cool.
BUT this phrase probably happens even more once you already have kids.
- Caveat- I have said this phrase to people more than once, but have tried in earnest to completely cut it out of my life, especially after having baby #2.
After having Miriam, I have reflected back on when I only had Evette, and how different things were. It was crazy. Most days nowadays, I'm showered, and dressed, and both girls dressed and out the door by 9am. BUT I can remember the first few months when Evette was born and I celebrated the few days where I showered AND did the dishes by 5pm. Seriously. I look back and wonder how life was even like that, but I remember so vividly just crying and wishing for a shower, just wishing I could figure out life as a mom.
During those early mom days I posted a status on facebook about the joy of taking a shower and fixing dinner in the same day, or something to that affect. I got a call the next day from a friend, not a close friend or family, but a woman I truly admire and respect who told me that I was doing a great job, and that a shower and getting dinner taken care of WAS a big deal and that she was proud of me for how well I was doing, and to never be embarrassed or ashamed of what I can or cannot fit into the day, because being a mom is dang hard. You guys, this lady has 5 kids and is like a super mom. Guess what she didn't say - "Just wait until you have 5 kids, heck, just 2 kids! You better get this mothering thing figured out or you'll never survive!" No, she did not. She responded with kindness and love and understanding.
Those early mothering days were so hard and long. It took me by surprise. It flipped my world upside down. I had to learn to not be selfish, to be a little nicer to myself, to relax, to love, to run on a small amount of sleep. It was so difficult - a hard hurdle to jump over. Now, being where I am in my stage of life, I have jumped that hurdle, and am working on other ones. But, I will NOT forget how difficult the previous hurdles were for me.
So, I will not tell other women who are not as far along on the mothering road as I to "wait until" another hurdle comes at them. Because each hurdle when it comes at you is hard, very hard. Belittling someone else's troubles or hard times does not make you appear stronger, more knowledgeable, or whatever. It's just rude.
So no more "Wait until they start walking! Then you'll be in real trouble!" "Wait until you have a second/third/fifteenth!" "Wait until they're in middle school!" "Wait until they're driving!". So no more of that.
Let's do more "I remember that, it's hard! But it looks like you're doing great." "That was tricky for me too, why don't I bring you dinner/watch your kid/just listen to you cry?" "That's hard - but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself! You're a great mom"
Also, my babies are adorable.
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