{Zoe}

One of my worst nightmares became a reality this week. A dear friend of mine, Zoe Hastings, was murdered.

Shortly after we moved to Dallas in 2012, Sean and I taught Sunday School to a group of 16-18 year olds in the ward. It was the best calling ever. This kids became such great friends to us. Since the age difference wasn't too huge (so I'd like to think), it felt like they were younger siblings to us. We loved these kids. We got to meet with them every Sunday, we had all sorts of parties at our house, some of the boys mowed our lawn, some of the girls and boys babysat Evette, and we loved them all - like family. We've always prayed for them, hoped for them, worried about them, went to their sporting events, cheered them on in mission calls, scholastic ventures, and marriages. I love those guys.

Zoe was one of those kids. I had never met someone so kind before. She was so happy. Light radiated from her. She was kind to everyone. Never an ill word or anything of the sort. She looked for those on the side of the group, she laughed with instead of at people - she was just kind. Not a polite kind of nice, but you could tell she actually loved everyone she met. She saw people for who they really were. She loved her family. She was never "too cool" to show affection and love to her parents or her younger siblings. You could tell her siblings looked up to her and loved her. Whenever I would pick her up to babysit, there was always a sibling or two that she was just spending time with that would come and hug and kiss her goodbye. It was so sweet. I loved having Zoe as a babysitter. I loved the drive to pick her up and drop her off at the house. It was so fun to get to know her and to sit and talk with her. Sometimes we stayed in the car even after arriving at her house just to visit a little bit longer.

She knew what was important, and she didn't get distracted. She had fun, lived life, and loved everyone. She was a perfect example of Christlike love.

I first heard that she went missing, and then a few hours later, they had found her body. Brutally murdered, van in the creek. This is like one of those horrible stories that you hear about and you think, "How could that even happen? Geesh! Poor family...." and then you move on. But this time I cannot just move on, because I love Zoe and her entire family. I am so mad. I am so angry. I am so heartbroken. I cannot imagine the terror during her last few moments on this earth.  I know that death is a natural part of life, but murder is not, and that takes this whole situation to a new level.

All day yesterday I could hardly do anything - I was numb, I was panicked. My heart was aching. I felt physically sick. So much crying. So much anger. So much fear. Fear of this terrible and wicked world we live in. Fear for my friends, fear for myself, fear for my own daughters.

I have wanted to scream and shout and cry and yell and say all sorts of terrible things. And I have done all of that to a degree.

I've felt guilty living my life. I've felt guilty playing with my kids, reading them goodnight stories, hugging them tight. It's just not fair that through no fault of their own, the Hastings family cannot do that with Zoe anymore. How can I keep living my life with a hole in my heart and only glimpsing the pain that her family is feeling? How can I carry on without being paralyzed by fear of what might happen to me or my family or my friends?

But then, I think of sweet Zoe. Sweet, kind, loving Zoe. You know what she would say? She would say, "Come on guys! I'm fine! You know where I am! You know you'll see me again!!!! Keep on going! Life is great! Go laugh, go smile! I'll see you later, don't worry."

Zoe had an eternal perspective. She loved her Heavenly Father and Savior, and it was obvious.

Micah 4:4-5
"But they shall sit every man under his vine and under his fig tree; and none shall make them afraid: for the mouth of the Lord of hosts hath spoken it. For all people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of the Lord our God for ever and ever."

Revelations 21:4
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."

So, although I feel like curling up in a ball and crying forever, I must live. I must live like Zoe did, with faith, with courage, with love. I must walk on. I must walk in the name of our Lord, and have faith in the promise that eventually the former things will be passed away and there will be no more pain.

'Til we meet again, sweet friend....