{Lessons}

[this may be a long blog which is not as light hearted as some of the other posts. It may cause you to think. Please proceed with caution and openness.]

I believe average, middle class, "normal" people do not think about what they are actually saying a lot of the times. I think that we as individuals need to UNDERSTAND what words are coming out of their mouths and not just assume that what they are saying is expressing exactly what they want to express. Maybe as average Americans we do not care to be precise, just quick. If we had to slow down our speech, critically think about what would be the most effective and accurate way to convey a message, we might choose different words to express our feelings. If we could not find the words to express what we are feeling then we would do research to figure out those words. I believe that 99% of the time there is a word that can be used that will perfectly describe what you want to convey.

There are four words which I believed get switched around and used synonymously inaccurately. These words are pity, sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Each of these words has a different connotation, meaning, genesis, and action tied to them. Think about it. We know that these four words have generally the same meaning - feeling for someone else. Basic. But that's not what they really mean!

Don't believe me? Please read on.

"I had pity for the man and...."

ok? Take that imagery, feeling, however you ended that sentence and remember it. Now continue.

"I had compassion for the man and..."

Totally different! Am I right? Yes, I believe so.

Without understanding these differences we may not be sending the messages we want to send! The first sentence, with pity, was not so bad - maybe even good, but the second one, with compassion, left you with no doubt of hope. Why be vague when you can be specific? Much more efficient.

Pity.

Of these four words, I believe pity is on the lowest rung, the most negative and pathetic of these words. Marcus Tulius Cicero, a Roman philosopher, has been quoted with "A tear dries quickly when it is shed for troubles of others." How sad. How true. How often have you felt pity for someone in a less fortuitous place than yourself? Is there some pride when you feel pity? "What a terrible situation!" you say as you think to yourself, "Boy, I'm glad that's not me!" Or maybe it's a question of how they got in that unfortunate position - is it their fault? Pity is, in essence, feeling sorry for someone - and that's about as far as it goes. It's feeling bad for them with no action ensued. It's noticing a terrible predicament and not understanding, relating (unless it's from above looking down), or helping in any way. Pity, to me, has such a pinched, scrunched face to it. Pity is recognition.

Sympathy.

This is in 3rd place. Sympathy takes pity to another level. If you have sympathy you recognize the situation and try to understand where it's coming from. I think that's the biggest difference between pity and sympathy - understanding, and willingness to try to understand and, in a way, appreciate the situation. If you have sympathy for someone you look at them and try to understand how difficult, hard, overwhelming their situation is. Sympathy, to me, has the sweet old lady's face of "Well, bless her heart!" Sympathy is recognition + understanding.

Empathy.

Next on the list - empathy. When I think of empathy I think of just a feeling. Once you recognize and try to understand what that person is going through you can move to the next level of empathy and actually feel for them! You know that sinking feeling down in your stomach when you watch someone go through something hard? It's that pitted feeling of stress, worry, despair building up inside yourself - that is empathy. Empathy is when you feel so much for this person that it pains you as well. One might say that you can only feel empathy for those you know well, I don't believe that is the case. If you understand the worth and potential that every individual has on this earth, I believe you can have empathy for a complete stranger. But notice how I said that you have to understand the worth and potential that the person carries - it can't just be a passive, "Oh look - a human being," but it needs to be an "Oh! That person is a child of God, and they are my sibling!" Once you understand that you will have the ability to feel for them. Sympathy is a sad soft faced dampened with tears. Empathy is recognition + understanding + feeling

Compassion.

This is the highest, noblest, most positive of these four words. Compassion is defined by action. Compassion is when you can no longer look back and watch, but must act. Compassion is relieving someone's burden, of helping them, of serving them, of talking to them, of actively being their friend [actively being the key word]. When you are overcome with love for someone you are able to have compassion for them. Compassion is more closely related to charity than pity. Compassion is what we should strive to have - for everybody. Once you recognize, understand, and feel for a person, you will finally be able to act. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, is the face of compassion - I testify that he is our perfect example.

Steven Levine, an American poet, has said that "When your fear touches someone's pain it becomes pity; when your love touches someone's pain, it becomes compassion."

*Italics/bold added for emphasis

So I guess this started out as a "make sure you know what you're saying" to a "find out where you stand and fix it" - at least that's what I've gained from this.