In the Mormon church, our congregational leader (Bishop) does not provide a sermon every week. Instead, he asks members of the congregation to speak. This week, Heidi and I each gave 15 minute talks, along with one 12 year-old from the congregation who spoke for about 5 minutes. My prompt was "How to apply the teachings of General Conference to your own life." General Conference is the semi-annual event when the leaders of the church speak to the entire church out of our headquarters in Salt Lake City, with the meetings broadcast globally.
My talk pulls liberally from a book I recently read, "The Crucible of Doubt." I quoted it in a few places but it should be noted that many of the concepts of embracing doubt were taught while reading that book. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in faith, especially the Mormon faith, whether or not they're currently experiencing a faith crisis.
Heidi’s done a great job helping us understand how to listen to general conference, and, especially once it’s over, sift through the hours and hours of content to figure out what matters to you.
So she focused on the after. I’m going to focus on the before.
I put a lot of weight behind context. I’m one of those people that, if I don’t understand why you’re saying what you’re saying, I’ll have literally no means to process what you’re saying and will need you to repeat it all once I have something to ground it on. (Slight exaggeration, but the point holds). I first remember noticing this tick when I was in 6th grade algebra. As my teacher would explain each new concept, I’d literally be lost, getting poor marks on homework and pop quizzes. However, as soon as the section wrapped up and I could see the whole -- why we were studying what we were studying--, everything clicked and I’d more or less ace the test.
So, in the spirit of spending today learning about how to personalize general conference and to make the most of it for you, I’m going to focus on what you can do to set yourself up for success, how to get yourself in the right context to have revelatory and educational experiences related to General Conference.
I know these church talks are long for a lot of people and a lot of you are wrestling kids in the pews right now, so here’s the tl;dr “too long; didn’t read” summary: [....pause….] To get the most from General Conference, approach it with a mind full of well considered and and prayerful doubts.
Doubt isn’t a word we speak of positively in this church, but as one who was recently, and still in some ways still is, going through my own depths of spiritual doubt, I’ve come to love and appreciate those questions. I’ve learned that doubt is the partner to faith, indeed that faith cannot grow if doubts are unnoticed or evaded.
Consider the moment that ultimately began this church. The moment when a young boy, with a head full of doubts, walked into a forest to share his doubts with God. Consider the fight that was had, with both Satan and God the Father being as physically present as we’ve ever known on this earth. Heaven prevailed, Satan was cast out, and truth was taught. Ultimately this church was born because Joseph was willing to look his doubts in the eye and seek out an answer. When have you done the same?
Too often we say or hear variants of the idea that doubts are of the devil, that they should be avoided. To the contrary, I argue that well-considered doubts gave rise to this church and are absolutely essential to the establishment and growth of any true testimony.
Consider your own testimony. Each of our testimonies ebbs and flows with the cycles of life’s experiences, but at our peaks, I believe we all universally look back on a time of trying trials -- doubts -- as the impetus to our strengthened and wiser faith.
So what does this have to do with learning from General Conference? In order to make the most of General Conference, whether listening live or studying after the fact, we need to come with well considered, prayerful doubts. Doubts that we want answers to, holes in our faith that we’ve noticed and are prepared to improve, if only we receive instruction on how to do so.
An illustration: when I growing up, I vividly remember the daily question from my dad at the dinner table -- not “How was your day? Or what did you learn?” but rather “What good questions did you ask today?” My dad understood that it is curiosity and the recognition of one’s own deficiencies that spurns learning. Next time you’re preparing to learn from a General Conference talk, ask yourself: What good questions am I going to ask?
Getting uncomfortable
Noticing, and worse yet, considering doubts is uncomfortable. Doing so highlights our questions, our insecurities, and perhaps reminds us of injustices or wrongs that weigh on us. But just as we can’t improve in our relationships, in school, in the workplace, in our hobbies -- anywhere -- without noting and seeking to improve upon our deficiencies, the same is true in the gospel.
Note Jesus’ invitation to take His yoke upon ourselves so our burdens may be light. Did He invite us to hop in the back and enjoy the ride, while He pulls? No. He invites us to work with Him, on His side. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is preached as one of Peace and Love, but I’m fairly certain He never offers to make the process comfortable.
Consider pivotal moments in the scriptures: Adam and Eve being presented with a beautiful garden, yet being told to avoid a specific tree with oddly ominous consequences. Nephi, the son of a merchant, being commanded to kill a local ruler, build a boat millennia ahead of its time in terms of technology, and scratch Egyptian hieroglyphics (which wasn’t his first language, by the way) into sheets of metal. A young man being told to abandon his recently deceased loved ones to follow the Savior.
Peter experienced this discomfort many times during Christ’s earthly ministry, perhaps especially when the Savior invited him to walk on water. Peter stepped off the boat, but when he noticed that the storm was still raging, his faith faltered and he began to sink.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased. (Matthew 14)
How often do we expect God to calm the waters before we step off the boat? Like Peter, if we’re willing to be uncomfortable with the storms of life, Christ can me the impossible possible: He can make us walk on water. The wind and the waves will still crash, but we need not drown.
I believe Christ tried to make it clear in his earthly ministry that incitement -- change and discomfort --, not comfort, is the hallmark of true Christianity. C.S. Lewis said it well when he characterized the correct Christian attitude as being one of “cheerful insecurity.” (Crucible of Doubt, Terryl and Fiona Givens. Kindle location 2544)
To quote Terryl and Fiona Givens from their masterpiece “The Crucible of Doubt”:
True religion is inseparable from suffering. It tells us the truth about our condition without flinching, offers no cheap solutions, and conceals none of the costly price.
And the price that exacts the most from us is not the final, definitive resolution of the arena or the operating room. It is the fretsome anxiety of the waiting room.
[Joseph Smith said] “There is no pain so awful as the pain of suspense.” That is why we will do almost anything to escape this suspense. We feel unmoored if our religion fails to answer all our questions, if it does not resolve our anxious fears, if it does not tie up all loose ends. We want a script, and we find we stand before a blank canvas. We expect a road map, and we find we have only a compass. We have yet to learn, as the poet John Ciardi wrote, that “clean white paper, waiting under a pen, is a gift beyond history and hurt and heaven.” (Crucible of Doubt, Kindle location 509)
Rolling waters, fountain of truth
There’s the promise of deep and meaningful learning from General Conference - and any form of religious study - accept the suspense - the doubt -, recognize your questions and joyfully carry them with you into your study.
The beauty of this approach is that it sets you up to avoid the common pitfall of expecting to hear direct answers and guidance over the pulpit. Our leaders have repeatedly stated that their job is to invite the Holy Ghost and that true instruction occurs via that Spirit, not by their words.
Coming to conference, to any study session, with well considered and prayerful doubts sets us up to receive personal revelation, to be instructed directly by our Father. Parley P Pratt explained the value of this direct source, this direct instruction from Heaven well:
However sacred and true may be the principles contained in a book yet these principles were true before they were written; and each truth was revealed before it was written, consequently known before it was written; therefore it follows that all revealed knowledge was obtained without books and independent of them; -- while on the other hand no sacred book could come into existence without the pre-existence of all the principles of revealed knowledge contained therein. It is therefore a self evident fact, that sacred books are not the productions of revealed knowledge, and revealed knowledge is not originally produced from books. Hence a book cannot be the fountain or source of knowledge; but it is at best but a stream from the fountain. (Fountain of Knowledge, p 15)
Why approach conference seeking to learn second hand? Yes, the men and women who speak from the pulpit are inspired and will teach truths and provide perspectives that are new to us. But their goal is always to enable you to receive revelation directly. Is that your goal?
Seek inspiration directly from the fountain of truth. Consider the poetry in D&C 121: “How long can the rolling waters remain impure?” Consider the crystal clear waters of a mountain stream, made pure by its constant agitation, change, and speed.
To quote again from Terryl and Fiona Givens:
There can’t be ready answers to the most soul-stretching dilemmas. Like Eve’s courageous choice in the garden, the test has to probe deeper than True/False or Right/Wrong. Self-revelation and self-formation take place only in the presence of the seemingly insoluble, the wrenchingly vexing, the genuine question. (Crucible of Doubt, Kindle location 544)
To enable revelation and true growth, seek out your doubts. Take ownership for them and take them to the Lord so He can instruct. As you expose your doubts, you will be instructed, purified, and ennobled. Then, and only then, can He work wonders among you.
